Finding Love

by Dr. Jennifer Bruning Brown, LoveHappens

Finding love is one of the best things that can happen in our lives. Many of us search and search for love and have trouble finding that special someone-either we don't meet the right person--or we think we meet that person, only to find out that he or she isn't what we were looking for.
There are a few things you must do in order to help cupid get you moving in the right direction. First, you need to clarify the things that are important to you in a partner. By doing so, you will draw yourself toward the person and relationship you're looking for. Here are a few things to help you clarify what you're looking for and to help you get started finding love on LoveHappens.
To know what you're looking for, first decide what you're NOT looking for. What are your "deal-breakers?" What is absolutely essential for you to have in a long-term relationship? Do you want to get married and have children? Think about issues such as finances, religion and lifestyle. These are really your core values, and you need to be clear about what they are. Would they eventually cause you to break up with someone you're dating? It's important to be honest and think about what really matters to you.
Once you've clarified these basic core values-your deal breakers, you need to trust yourself and stay clear of potential partners who fall into those categories. Typically, these are also things you can start finding out in as little as a couple of dates. Hoping that your partner will change or telling yourself, "it really doesn't matter," will only set yourself up for heartache down the road. Follow what you've decided and ultimately it will lead your heart in the right direction. Knowing your deal breakers is crucial, and sticking to them is key.
Be open to trying new things and realistic about the outcomes. While it's essential to clarify what you definitely don't want in a relationship, it's also essential to keep your mind open about the various other qualities a person can offer, even if they typically haven't been qualities you've been attracted to in the past. Your deal breakers are just a few (hopefully no more than about 5-7) core values that you absolutely won't budge on. Outside of that, there are many other things that maybe in the past you have been really picky about. But when you're looking for your life partner and love, you need to be open to stepping outside of your comfort zone and dating people who may not be exactly what you think you're looking for. What you'll often find is that once you get to know people, these qualities are much less important than they were before, or that you don't even notice them because you get to know and love the person inside. As long as they aren't deal breakers, keep your mind open.
Make finding love and dating a priority. Just as a photographer never travels without his or her camera, a person looking for love should always be prepared to find love. Knowing what you are looking for and what you want in a relationship is a good starting point. Making sure you are ready to find love, give love and ready to make time to nurture a relationship, indicates that you are in a place in your life where you are ready to make dating a priority.